he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
