You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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