i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
