If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
