like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
