..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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