I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
