Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Welp...herpes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
