If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
