Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
