I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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