Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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