hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
