We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
