now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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