drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
