i jhust puked up my retainher.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
