She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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