Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Little spoons don't ask big questions
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
