At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
