I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
