I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
