I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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