So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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