i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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