some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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