i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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