it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
