I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
