Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
