you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize