You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
