She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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