Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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