Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
