I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
