I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
