he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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