Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
