Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
