Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
