i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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