Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
