What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
