Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
