Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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