So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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