I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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