I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
