I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
