so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
